Cheerleaders Needed, Pompoms Optional: Does Your Marriage Have a Spirit Squad?

Marriage at its best has both spouses functioning as full partners and cheering for each other.

A kind note can continue to encourage a loved one long into the future. Biba Kayewich

Cheering for our team is as much a part of American sports as the national anthem, pep bands, and mascots. We’ve even made an art and a sport out of cheerleading itself, with camps and competitions, acrobatics, pompoms, and spirit sticks. The job of cheerleaders is to rev up the fans and get them roaring their support so that they become what is known in football jargon as the “12th man” on the field.

Outside these stadiums, cheerleaders can also generate or recharge the spirit, especially when the game gets tough. The enthusiastic support of parents can keep their student plugging away in chemistry class; an employer’s upbeat words can rouse morale in the work crew.

The same is true for marriage. Here’s some advice from a man who spent more than 20 seasons on the gridiron being fired up by cheerleaders.

Pep Talks and Praise

Now retired, NFL tight end Ben Watson played for Duke University and the University of Georgia while in college before making a name for himself in professional football for 16 years. In 2018, he won the Bart Starr Award for being the player who best exemplified “outstanding character and leadership in the home, on the field, and in the community.”

In his short article “4 Ways to Be Your Wife’s Biggest Cheerleader,” this father of seven puts aside his helmet and shoulder pads, picks up the pompoms, and cheers on men to become better husbands.

“Our wives should have no doubt that we are their biggest cheerleaders,” Watson writes. He asserts that husbands can reach that goal line by making their spouse feel “seen”—that is, by ensuring that they receive frequent acclaim for their accomplishments.

Watson next recommends having the kids join this pep rally and “see” their mother’s accomplishments as well. Inspired by the support that his wife, Kirsten, gave him when an injury knocked him out of a season’s play, Watson recommends that husbands cheer on their wives through adversity, as he did when Kirsten was struggling to write a book.

“I encouraged her through writer’s block and reminded her she is a skilled and talented wordsmith,” he writes.

Finally, Watson explains how important it was to celebrate Kirsten’s journey after copies of her newly published book arrived in the mail. He gathered the kids and had them watch and cheer as she opened the box and unwrapped the copies.

At the end of Watson’s article is a “Huddle Up Question.”

“Huddle up with your kids and ask, ‘What could we do to help your mom have a great day?’” Watson writes.

That’s cheerleading at its best. And just in case some hard-nosed macho man finds the term “cheerleader” ridiculous, he should know that Presidents Franklin Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, Ronald Reagan, and George W. Bush were all cheerleaders while in college.

Wisdom From Wives

In her post “6 Simple Ways to Be Your Husband’s Greatest Champion,” Hannah—a blogger who encourages women to be joyful and intentional in their home, marriage, and motherhood—includes a pertinent point.

“Do not play the ‘my husband is so stupid’ game,“ she writes. ”One way you can uplift your husband is to speak of him in a respectful way when you’re around others. This shows others that you cherish him, care about him, and don’t want him to look poorly! In marriage, you’re supposed to be a team.”

In “Say It Loud! Becoming Your Husband’s Personal Cheerleader,” former cheerleader Robyn McKelvy reminds her readers that their spouses are players in the game of life every day.

“Cheerleaders don’t cheer at games because they are guaranteed a win,“ she writes. ”A cheerleader cheers because her team is in the game. Your husband needs a wife who will cheer him on just because he is in the game. As his cheerleader, you are on the field with him, boosting him when he thinks he cannot go on.”

Cissie Graham Lynch reiterates some of these points in her article “Are You Being Your Husband’s Biggest Cheerleader?” Like Hannah, she mentions the importance of intentionality of purpose, using a specific example.

“Before he gets home today, think about how you will cheer him on tonight,“ she writes. ”Or, before you forget, send him a text while he is at work and let him know what a great job he does providing for your family.”

From these and many other online articles, husbands and wives can find tips on boosting the spirits of a spouse. They all have some common concepts. Here are two of them.

Teamwork

At their best, a husband and wife function as a team. This is just common sense. They work together to thrive in the world while at the same time creating a home that is a bastion of love and the private life.

Abigail and John Adams made up one of the greatest of these teams ever seen on the playing fields of U.S. history. While John Adams was helping to form a new government and represent U.S. interests overseas, it was Abigail who kept their family’s home and farm up and running and oversaw the education of their children.

Vital to the success of this arrangement was this couple’s concept of partnership. As Lindsay Chervinsky, historian and director of the George Washington Presidential Library, writes: “Abigail’s financial savvy and unyielding support allowed John to pursue his vision for the country. In turn, John respected and valued Abigail’s intellect, demonstrating the power of collaboration in achieving shared goals.”

Often addressing each other as “My Dearest Friend” in their exchange of more than 1,000 letters, both Abigail and John acted as cheerleaders for each other throughout the challenging times in which they lived.

You’re Never Too Old for This Cheerleading Gig

A kind note can continue to encourage a loved one long into the future. Biba Kayewich

When 73-year-old Abigail lay dying, her last words to her distressed husband were: “Do not grieve, my friend, my dearest friend. I am ready to go. And John, it will not be long.” In that goodbye, she not only urged her husband to avoid deep sorrow, but also gave him that praise so central to their marriage: “my dearest friend.”

More than 60 years ago, when my grandparents were operating a dairy farm in Pennsylvania, Grandpa would rise by dawn to milk the cows while Grandma would get up to prepare their breakfast. One morning, when he was late returning from his chores, she went to the barn and found that he had collapsed with a heart attack. He died three days later in the local hospital.

But before she discovered him on the floor of the barn that morning, Grandpa cheered one last time for his wife. He frequently left her notes on the kitchen table before setting out on his work duties, tokens of appreciation and his love for her. On this particular morning, he had left just such a note, a moving little tribute that Grandma spoke of again and again after his death.

Marriage is a two-person team on which both husband and wife are players, coaches, and cheerleaders. It’s that last component that keeps the team spirit healthy and burning with love and hope.